"Fowl Play" – Second Draft – Part 1 Now with even more apologies from: Erik Amill Act 1: The Client We open in the hallway of a dusty old hotel. The camera pans to the left as dust dances in the beams of light cutting the shadows asunder. Mmm… dramatic! We stop for a beat on a door with a large lightly frosted single pane window. The window reads "Phil's Underground Wheelman Service." That is crossed out and replaced with a haphazardly written sign that says, "Phil's Delivery – We can deliver just about anything!" with a small doodle of a smiling package in the corner. Dissolve into the Phil's room. There is a large wooden executive's desk sitting in front of a window. The blinds are drawn and light filters in through the sheer white curtains. Behind the desk sits a young man in a computer chair, his back to the viewer, in near silhouette. He is facing the window and talking to himself, though he is speaking pretty loudly. Phil: This city… Once, it was the greatest berg on the West Coast. Now, it's a haven for the greatest lowlifes this side of hell. I consider myself a kind of protector in this city of angels. I take the cases no one else will touch. In some small way, one might say I'm setting things right. Phil's Landlord pounds on his door hard. We can just make out that the person is of average height and carrying a large paper bag, most likely groceries, in one arm. Phil spins around in his chair to face the door. Sfx: Bam Bam Bam! Landlord: Hey! Keep it down it there! You're disturbing the other tenants and pissing me off! One more complaint and you're back out on the streets! You hear me? Phil: (To Landlord) Yeah yeah. Keep your shirt on, all right! Phil: (To Himself) The Landlord was pounding on my door like a madman. He knows my rent is due but I haven't had a job in weeks. Times are tough in LA… Landlord: (Interrupts) I can still hear you! And don't think I forgot about the rent either! I have ways of dealing with deadbeats, ya' hear! Pay up or else you lousy bum! We follow the Landlord as he stomps away down the hall. He knocks on a door next to Phil's. The voice of an old lady answers back and opens the door. Lady: Why thank you kindly, Mister. You're such a nice fellow, helping with my shopping. Phil: (Loudly) My Landlord was a kiss ass… Landlord: (Slightly embarrassed) I'm sorry ma'am. Is that guy disturbing you? Lady: Oh, he's so noisy. Always crashing about, talking to whoever at all hours of the day and night. Curses something awful and complaining about the city. I think he may be on those crazy drugs. Poor man… Landlord: (Hands the lady her groceries) Never you mind ma'am. He won't be a bother anymore. At that moment, a large person in a long coat and hat makes their way past the couple. The Man bumps the Landlord as he angrily reaches for his cell phone. Some white feathers puff out from the coat. Landlord: Hey, watch it! Man in Overcoat [Chicken]: Excuse me. We find ourselves back in Phil's room. Phil is sitting on the corner of his desk as he sifts through his mail. Phil is not happy about what he sees. Phil: (Sarcastically) Bill. Bill. Jackpot, a "Final Notice." Phil removes the "Final Notice" letter from the group and tosses the other bills aside. He pulls a small dagger from an ankle sheath and carefully opens the letter. The Man in the Overcoat is seen in the window. He stops for a beat then enters the room. Phil continues to look at the letter but talks to his possible client. Phil: Phil's Delivery – We can deliver just about anything. How can I help you today? Man in Overcoat [Chicken]: I heard that you're a wheelman. Is it true you'll take any job for the right price? Phil: (Looks up surprised, eye twitching) Who told you that? The Man in the Overcoat points to the door. Phil stares at the door for a beat then realizes his mistake on the door's sign. Phil: I… knew that. Let's cut the foreplay sailor. What're you selling? The Man in the Overcoat finds an old wooden chair sitting by the desk. He bends over, takes off his hat and coat, and sits down. We see that the man is a giant Chicken. Phil looks up and does a double take of his new client, eyes wide. Chicken: My wife is being held hostage. I need you to deliver me to the kidnappers by 5 pm or else they'll kill her. Fade to black. End Act 1. Act 2: The Backstory Fade in on the Chicken looking up Phil. He's leaning back in the wooden chair and looks comfortable. Phil is standing up and backing away from the chicken. Chicken: Well, are you going to help me or not? We see Phil staring at Chicken for a beat, still wide eyed. Then we go back to Chicken. Back to Phil again, still wide eyed. Back to Chicken who looks confused. Chicken: What? Is there something on my beak? Phil: You're a chicken?! Chicken: (Nervous laughter) Oh… oh, oh yeah! Right, right… the whole chicken thing. I should explain. Chicken gets up and holds his hand out to Phil. Phil is a little wary about shaking the Chicken's hand but does anyways. Chicken: My name is Dr. Max Fowler, geneticist. Phil: (Sits down) Nice to meet you, I guess. So, what was the trouble again? Chicken: It all started about three months back. I was working at the CDC's Plum Island laboratory… The screen starts to wave and dissolve out of focus. Phil makes a queasy sound, interrupting the sequence. Phil: (Holding his mouth) ~ Herk ~ Wait! Wait… you're not going to do a flashback are you? Those things make me kinda' queasy. Chicken: Oh no, not at all. (Beat) It all started about three months back. I was working at the CDC's Plum Island laboratory… The screen starts to wave and dissolve out of focus. Phil makes a queasy sound again, then pukes. Phil: Oh god! ~ Bleah! ~ Begin the "Backstory Montage." We see clips from the Chicken's life. These are hand-drawn, color pencil stills with a touch of "Squiggle Vision" (Slight movement around the edges of the characters) to keep the attention of the viewers. Chicken continues to talk while the images flash by. His tone is overly serious. We see a group photo of three scientists – two men and a woman – all of them dressed in lab coats with their nametags clearly showing. The names read Tasha, Max and Jhonen. The man in the middle, Dr. Fowler, is a handsome man in his mid-thirties. He has dark goggles on and a beaker in his hands. Chicken: I am… I was a popular and successful scientist. My wife and I were assigned to a three- man team working on the avian flu case. We were attempting to use genetics to find a cure before the virus became a pandemic. Flash to Dr. Fowler, still in the goggles from before, working on a clipboard in a room with a computer. The screen can be seen glowing over his shoulder. The display shows an electron microscope view of the avian flu virus. Fowler looks serious. Chicken: We all knew the risks working on the airborne virus floor, but we didn't care. This was "Fate of the World" stuff! Oh, how foolish I was. Flash to a person in a medical clean suit (White plastic suit with a squared off hood, yellow gloves, and an air hose coming off the back) in a red-lit room. The person is "looking" at a large gash in the leg. We can see that the person inside the suit is wearing white boxers with little red hearts. Chicken: I was working late one night, so close to a cure. I based it on the DNA of an Unknown rooster but my clean suit ripped when I was handling a particularly lethal strain. Flash to Fowler in a tented bed. Tasha and Jhonen are talking about Fowler's situation. Tasha holds a vile of medicine and looks as though she is pleading with Jhonen. Jhonen looks concerned. Chicken: I soon found myself on the brink of death. My dearest colleague – my wife Tasha – gave me the experimental antidote from that fateful night. Flash to an image of Chicken. As it blinks from a silhouette to clear (Like a lightening strike), we see a tortured looking Chicken screaming like Shatner cursing Kahn. Chicken: It saved my life… but it turned me into a chicken. The screen starts to wave and dissolve back into focus. We see Phil waking out of the bathroom towards Chicken, a relieved look on his face. Phil: I'm sorry, that flashback made me ill. What were you yappin' about again? Chicken: You didn't hear a word I said, did you. Phil: I warned you, birdman. Chicken: Look, will you take the case or not? Phil notices the Landlord's shadow outside his door. He is gesturing angrily at Phil's door. We can hear the Landlord talking loudly to unseen thugs about the problems he's had with Phil. Though most of the conversation is unclear, Phil makes his way to door and locks it. He then takes a chair and jams the door. Chicken looks on confused. Phil: (Distracted) Sure. "Damsel in Distress" mission sounds fun. It's $800 up front with $200 once the job is done. Chicken: (Uneasy) Deal. Look, it's a quarter to four and the drop off point is in a warehouse… Landlord: (Loudly) … I don't care who else is in there! Kill him too. I just want that bastard dead! You got me? DEAD! Phil: (Interrupts Chicken) … On the other side of the city? Yeah, I think I know the place. Three large bodies start to bang on the door. Chicken grabs his things as Phil starts to push him towards the bathroom. Chicken is starting to look frantic. Sfx: Bam! Phil: Take my keys. I own the hatchback in the alley. I'll meet you down there. Sfx: Bam! Chicken: (Nervous) How…? W-What's going on? Sfx: Bam! The door finally gives way as Phil pushes Chicken up on to the toilet and partway out the window. Thugs of all kinds pour into the room, none of them look particularly happy. Phil: Damn it, not again. I just got that door fixed too. Chicken: Hey! There's no fire escape! How am I supposed to get down there? The thugs close in on Phil backing him into the bathroom. Chicken's legs are dangling in the air as Phil shuts the door behind him. Phil goes to assist Chicken, who is now very much stuck in the window. Phil: Can't you just fly down? Chicken: (Angrily) Chickens can't fly! Phil gives Chicken one massive shoulder bash, pushing his bulk out of the window. Feathers fly up everywhere. Chicken screams like a little girl as he falls into some conveniently placed trash bags out of sight. Sfx: Crash! Phil: (Sticks head out of the window) You okay buddy? The thugs have made it to the bathroom door and are turning the knob. Phil has already climbed up into the window and is about to jump. Chicken: Yeah, I think so. No thanks to you! Phil: (Jumps) Geronimo! Sfx: (Beat) Crash! Fade to Black. White letters fade onto the screen saying "To Be Continued…" Phil: For an overgrown feather duster, you sure make for a crappy pillow. Chicken: (Coughing) Jerk.